


Something to hold on to

by storiesfromtheyoung



Series: Season 5 Steo [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Canon Compliant, Flashbacks, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Stakeout, Stalia mention - Freeform, past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 06:06:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4595739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfromtheyoung/pseuds/storiesfromtheyoung
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during Stiles and Theo's Animal Clinic stakeout in Season 5.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something to hold on to

**Author's Note:**

> (For the purpose of this fic: Derek and Braeden were no longer dating when they went off on their Desert Wolf road trip and Malia and Stiles didn’t become a thing until after Derek left. Other than that it's canon compliant.)

Stiles drummed his thumbs against the worn leather of the steering wheel. They’d been parked in front of the animal clinic for a little over two hours and he was uneasy. Stiles always kept his hands on the wheel during a stakeout, it was just a habit of his. On his first few stakeouts he tried his best to keep still but always ended up squirming and the only solution that provided any relief was to grip the steering wheel loosely. It was somehow comforting having something to hold on to.

Theo cleared his throat and Stiles avoided looking over at him. Theo had made a few attempts at conversation early on but Stiles had rebuffed them all. He didn’t feel like talking and had no patience to come up with enough sarcasm to converse with his morally dubious companion. Stiles had more important things to think about than Theo right now. The Dread Doctors were at large and there was a new and terrifying Chimera at every turn. Pack unity was especially needed right now but morale had been down. He was meaning to talk to Scott about that. Before the start of the school year they’d been planning all these pack bonding activities to strengthen things in what they hoped would be a few more months of peace. Unfortunately that peace was short lived and any thoughts of capture the flag or team building had vanished along with the last days of summer.

Stiles had gotten used to problem solving during the long periods of waiting between near death experiences that had become almost an every week occurrence in his life. Sitting in a car for a few hours waiting for an enemy was a good opportunity to utilize the subconscious and work things out. Unfortunately, having someone else in the car, especially when that someone was Theo, always brought up memories. Memories of other stakeouts with less than trustworthy werewolves. Werewolves who also looked good leaning against the window with one elbow up and the other arm at his side. Stiles’ eyes drifted toward the other side of the car before he caught himself. He turned his head ever so subtly so he was back to looking at the animal clinic. Maybe it was the general paranoia spawned by waiting for body snatchers but something about Theo’s next exhale of breath told Stiles that his wandering eyes had not gone unnoticed.

 

“Stop moving.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“At least I’m not glaring at everyone who passes by.”

“I’m not glaring, I’m thinking and they just happen to be in my line of sight. It’d be a lot easier if your obnoxiously erratic heartbeat and need to fidget weren’t so distracting.” Derek said, crossing his arms over his chest. Stiles released the steering wheel and mirrored his posture.

“It’s not my fault you have wolfy hearing and an unhealthy love for silence. Also, have you never heard of such a thing as ‘nervous energy? It’s not uncommon among us mortals.” Stiles said. He kept his hands still for about a minute before returning them to their familiar places. It wasn’t his fault he was anxious and needed something to do. Besides, if they had to chase after someone he wouldn’t lose any time because his hands were already on the wheel. 

“You’re the worst stakeout sidekick ever.” Stiles fumed.

“Sidekick? Really.” Derek scoffed.

“Yes really and you’re not helping your case big guy.”

“Aren’t I the only person with whom you’ve ever staked out a place?” Derek asked after a pause.

“Not the point. The point is, I can think of a long list of good stakeout sidekick behaviors that would be an improvement on your character. In the areas of conversation, pleasantry, and patience, you are severely lacking sourwolf.” Stiles said. Derek chuckled at that, not a full laugh but better than a glare or a threat. It felt like progress. 

 

“Stiles!”

“What?” Theo had apparently been trying to get his attention.

“Do you think we should call Scott to check in?” Theo asked.

“Maybe, but even if we did call it wouldn’t go through. Parrish set up cell phone jammers to try and subdue the Dread Doctors, remember?”

“Oh.” Theo said.

“We’ll just have to wait until it’s all over to check in. I’m sure Scott will call some sort of team regroup meeting to plan what to do next.”

“That assumes everything goes well.” Theo said. Stiles turned his head to look at him. Something in Theo’s tone rubbed him the wrong way.

“For someone who proclaims that their only aim is to join the pack, you don’t seem to have much faith in it’s leader.”

“I’m just saying, something might go wrong. The Doctors are dangerous. What are the odds everything goes fine, 1 in 10? When was the last time you guys survived anything entirely unscathed?”

“Yeah, well the chances of you joining the pack aren’t increasing any time soon if you want to talk odds.”

“Like it or not, you guys need me.” Theo said.

“Oh, and why is that?” Stiles asked, taking his hands off the wheel and turning fully in his seat. He was losing his patience with the werewolf and the stakeout wasn’t getting any shorter.

“Hypothetically, what would happen if Scott were severely injured? Who would be in charge? Neither Liam nor Malia are ready for leadership of any kind, Kira being possessed by her fox spirit doesn’t make her a good candidate, and Lydia as of yet can’t defend herself apart from screaming. Who does that leave to lead?” Theo asked.

“We’d figure something out.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“What do you want me to say, that you’d be in charge? Even if you were in the pack, we still have no reason to trust you. You can’t walk into the role of second in command just because you knew Scott and I in grade school.”

“So you’re just going to decide things as a committee? That’s a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Well I didn’t ask for your input on pack hierarchy and you haven’t shown any signs of clairvoyance so I’m just going to continue on without your unsolicited advice.” Stiles said, hoping to end the disaster of a conversation they were having.

“Stiles.” Theo said.

“What?”

“I just want to help, disaster or no disaster. You may not trust me yet or want me in the pack but I’m not going anywhere.” Theo said. After that they returned to the less than comfortable silence.

 

“What then, Derek? What do we do the next time Scott nearly dies!” Stiles was shouting, his voice echoing off the high ceilings of Derek’s apartment. It was raining, water dripping down the dirty panes of glass. The pack meeting had gone sour quickly and the other members had fled when the shouting had started.

“Stiles.” Derek said firmly. His eyes flashed briefly but Stiles wasn’t having any of it.

“You know I’m right. We’ve been playing by ear for too long and we only ever barely survive by the skin of our teeth. It used to be easier, Allison was trained to lead and she could counterbalance Scott when it came to decision making. You had Erica and Boyd to fall back on. Isaac was a good second in command for either of you. Chris Argent was our weapon and lore expert, Peter put up a good fight if our interests aligned. Even the twins could be relied upon in a pinch. Half of them are dead, half gone. Who do we have left.

“We nearly lost Scott to Kate who was supposed to be dead. Liam and Malia are loose canons. Lydia is losing her mind half the time. Kira’s powers have often caused more harm than help. Scott may be a true alpha but he can’t do this alone, especially if he’s always injured. And now you’re going away with Braeden to look for the notorious Desert Wolf and you're leaving me here to try and hold together the shambles of a pack that isn’t even mine. I don’t have supernatural abilities, I can’t lead the pack and the pack can’t take another hit but no doubt it will and THEN WHAT DEREK THEN WHAT!” Stiles knew he was crying by the way Derek’s glowing eyes were no longer in focus. His whole body was shaking and his arms were gesticulating wildly.

Derek’s eyes dimmed back to their normal coloring and he took the two steps necessary to wrap Stiles in his arms. They stood there for a while, Stiles crying and mumbling. When the sobbing had somewhat subsided, Derek spoke.

“I know. You’re right about all of it. Things were supposed to be getting better. From the beginning that was the plan. Build up the pack, see how things would work out. Scott being a true alpha complicated matters but we probably could have managed a compound pack where everyone knew where their allegiance lay and we would have been stronger for it. Things didn’t go as planned. Kanima. Alpha pack. Darach. Nogitsune. Peter’s wavering allegiance. The hunters. Everyone we’ve lost deserved a long, happy life.” Derek didn’t need to add anything about what they deserved, the two of them wrapped in each others arms for what was likely the last time.

“I’ll miss you.” Stiles mumbled, his voice muffled by Derek’s shoulder. He sniffed twice and then pulled away, breaking the embrace.

“I know.” Derek said, looking at his feet, hands finding the pockets of his jeans. “Stiles, while I’m gone-”

“Derek you don’t have to-”

“No, Stiles, let me finish. Don’t let yourself be lonely on my behalf.” Derek said softly, not making eye contact. They’d never been a proper item, their relationship consisting mainly of stolen moments and desperate glances in the little breaks between chaos that whatever higher power had decided to give them. They’d been loosely involved with other people all throughout but Derek’s blessing felt different. They were having a proper breakup for their pseudo relationship.

They stood there in silence for a while. It was well past midnight and the rain showed no sign of stopping. They stood there with their hands in their pockets, avoiding eye contact. The silent understanding was that it wasn’t really over so long as they still stood across from each other, breathing the same air.

“You should probably get going.” Derek said finally.

“I should.” Stiles said, his tone rueful. He took a step forward.

“I think the rain might be letting up.” Derek said, turning slightly, looking away from Stiles and out the dirty windows.

“It’s really not.” Stiles said, resting his head on Derek’s chest, inhaling deeply. Derek put an arm around Stiles more out of habit than active choice. He was warm and Stiles could feel it through both their shirts. He tilted his head up and nuzzled into Derek’s neck.

“Stiles-”

“I know, it’s just, you’re going to be gone for a while.”

“What you have in mind won’t make it feel any shorter.” Derek said, his hold on Stiles loosening. Stiles dug his fingers into Derek’s hips and went up on his toes so his mouth was level with Derek’s ear.

“Good.” He whispered and then Derek kissed him, one hand on Stiles’ neck and the other pulling at the hem of his shirt. Stiles let Derek walk him backwards until his back hit a pillar, at which point Stiles came up for air and Derek wasted no time sucking a path from Stiles’ jaw to his collarbones. The gentle scrape of stubble on skin was there and Stiles knew it would leave a mark.

What followed was slow and leisurely, the silence of the apartment being broken by more sighs and hums then moans, though there were some of those too. Neither reached frantically for the other as they always did after some new near death experience. Each touch was gentler than usual. Kisses tasted too much like melancholy and goodbye for anything to be rushed.

They watched the sun come up in each others arms.

Derek was gone when Stiles woke up.

 

Stiles ran his hand over the side of his neck under the pretense of an itch. Theo was checking his phone for a call or text that most likely wouldn’t come. Worry pooled in Stiles’ gut. It was all too possible that something had gone wrong, like it always did. He tried to think back to the what life was like before Scott was bitten. He came up with a few hazy memories of pining for Lydia or annoying his dad or being a subpar lacrosse player. Years had passed since then and people had come and gone, some willingly and others in body bags. His life had changed dramatically, maybe not in the way that Scott’s had but it wasn’t insignificant. His life had become an amalgam of the mundane and the extraordinary and there was no going back.

“What was your life like before the whole werewolf thing?” Stiles asked. Theo waited a second before responding.

“Pretty average. Middle school was rough, high school only slightly better. I embarrassed myself in front of the people I liked. I turned in homework late. I skipped school to hang out with my friends. Why do you ask?”

“How does it feel that you can’t go back to that? Knowing that things will never be the same?” Stiles asked, eyes firmly fixed on the wall of the animal clinic.

“It feels pretty okay actually.”

“Knowing what you do now about the supernatural and lycanthropy and the very real things that go bump in the night, you wouldn’t go back to a time before all that?”

“No, probably not.” Theo said and once again Stiles’ eyes drifted, tracing their way over features becoming more familiar by the day.

“Why not?” Stiles demanded. Theo laughed and looked over at Stiles almost affectionately.

“Because I haven’t written off the future. I have places I want to see and things I want to do and none of those have changed because I’m a werewolf. Maybe I won’t go directly to college like I had planned but I still want to pursue some career and find something to devote my life to beyond just surviving the day. Who knows, I might even live long enough to settle down, buy a house, and adopt some werewolf kids.” Theo said. Stiles didn’t need to hear Theo’s heartbeat to know he was being genuine.

 

Stiles hadn’t meant to go back. Despite his well informed intentions, there he was, looking up at the dirty windowpanes of the all too familiar building. It was a humid summer day and he could feel the heat of the asphalt through the soles of his shoes. Inside it wasn’t much cooler but at least he was out of the sun. Stiles stood in the doorway of Derek’s apartment for a moment, debating. His laptop felt heavy in his backpack and if anyone asked, it would be the main component of his excuse. He made up his mind and went to sit on the couch, leaning back into the corner that had long ago become his.

Stiles had spent hours in that very spot. It had started with an all nighter involving copious amounts of coffee and reading a pdf version of a nearly illegible bestiary into the wee hours of the morning. Derek was the only one willing to put up with a caffeinated and furiously researching Stiles. After that first night, the arrangement had stuck and soon enough Stiles was doing all his homework, as well as his supernatural research, on that couch. He was at his most productive on that couch and Derek close at hand was always a bonus.

Stiles was supposed to be researching self control exercises for a pack bonding camping trip that Scott had planned for the upcoming full moon. Instead he found himself looking once again at his folder of Desert Wolf paraphernalia. The descriptions of her ruthlessness mixed with a lack of contact with Derek did not make Stiles feel any less anxious about the whole situation. Even after he got back to his actual research, it just didn’t feel right.

The one thing missing from his setup was Derek loitering about, occasionally leaning over his shoulder to read something or stealing a kiss and telling Stiles to go to bed because it was nearly sunrise. Stiles would protest even if he wasn’t getting anywhere and then Derek would come and sit with him so that when Stiles inevitably passed out there would be a shoulder on which to fall asleep. Sometimes they both woke up still on the couch but most times Derek scooped Stiles up and pulled off his shoes before dumping him in bed and curling up next to him.

Mornings brought with them an established routine. Derek showered first because Stiles was the opposite of a morning person. Not even the bribe of showering together was enough to coax him out from under the bed sheets or couch blankets that made up his warm nest. Derek went to get them both coffee on the mornings after reasonable bedtimes or started breakfast on mornings after all nighters when Stiles was lurching around like an irritable zombie who wanted pancakes instead of brains.

Breakfast was eaten with minimal interruptions, something Stiles always enjoyed. Breakfast with someone you loved was one of the first things to go when your pack was under attack by nefarious persons. Every once and a while they would go out for breakfast but for the most part they stayed in and enjoyed the brief calm before another storm came roaring in. 

Stiles checked his phone after about an hour of mediocre research. Scott had texted him something generic about going shopping for campfire friendly food for the members of the pack who wouldn’t be killing their diner with teeth and claws.

Lydia was still investigating Parrish’s abilities. His dad wanted to know if he’d be home for dinner. The final message was from Malia. Her return to civilization had been a rough one but she was settling in. Their relationship consisted mostly of her asking for help regarding school or general human stuff. Theirs was more an affection and mutual respect than a love affair. Derek had told him not to let himself be lonely and she had been the most obvious choice for a companion. Malia was okay with their arrangement and understood that she could come and go as she pleased. She liked it that way and Stiles had no doubt that she’d let him know when she wanted to move on to greener pastures.

Their relationship left him not quite lonely and guilt free but it didn’t stop the aching feeling of being back in Derek’s apartment but not in Derek’s arms. Stiles set aside his laptop, abandoning any pretense of work, and layed down on the couch that felt like late nights and smelled faintly of coffee.

It was the best he’d slept in weeks.

 

Stiles knew that his time with Theo was coming to an end as the sky began to lighten and the body snatchers were nowhere to be found. The sunrise brought no news from Scott but Stiles felt that a small victory had been achieved nonetheless.

“Well this has been fun but I think we’re in the clear.” Stiles said, eager for the whole experience to be over.

“Should we regroup with Scott and the rest of the pack at the school?” Theo asked.

“We could go home and get some sleep first. They’ll probably be there until well into the morning to make sure they’re out of danger. If we went now we’d probably trip their alarms and get ourselves mauled or electrocuted.” Stiles said. Theo laughed before cracking his knuckles.

“That doesn’t sound too bad to me. It might take me saving your life for you to trust me and when are we going to get another chance at a friendly fire only confrontation. It might be good to run everyone through their paces.”

“If you’re trying to not sound evil, you are failing.”

“Fine. What do you want to do? I’ll do whatever you want.” Theo said, glancing over at Stiles.

 

“We can do whatever you want.” Derek breathed into his ear, leaning over from where he sat in the passenger seat.

“Um.” Stiles mumbled, too focused on the lack of space between him and Derek to think entirely straight. One of Derek’s hands was resting on the steering wheel, his fingers finding Stiles’.

“Is now really the time?” Stiles quipped, very aware of the fact that they were parked where people could see them. Derek removed his hand from Stiles’ on the steering wheel and started tracing patterns on the denim of Stiles’ jeans.

“You tell me.” Derek whispered before kissing his way down Stiles’ neck.

 

“Are you okay?” Theo asked. Stiles was keenly aware of how red his face probably was. Theo had leaned over slightly, as though to get a better look at Stiles in the low light. Stiles found himself unable to break eye contact. A very, very bad idea was starting to form in his mind and the fact that Theo had stubble was really not helping him think straight.

“I’m, uh, I’m fine.” Stiles stuttered, his eyes wandering over a jaw, a mouth, a neck.

“We don’t have to go anywhere just yet. If you’re right about the others not needing us, we could just stay here for a while. I’m sure we won’t be missed.” Theo murmured. Stiles saw him move forward a fraction of an inch, his posture nonchalant and his body language open.

“Uh, yeah, we can stay here.” Stiles said too quickly.

Theo wasted no time and Stiles wasn’t complaining. A hand reached for the fabric of his shirt and when Stiles felt the sharp sensation of teeth biting his lip he lost it. He ran his fingers through Theo’s hair and his last coherent thought was that the scrape of stubble felt the same.

Fin


End file.
